New Blog

I have a new blog now, so I'm just going to use this one to link back to that one. Complex, I know. But having two is fucking stupid. Anyway, here's my latest entry:

http://jenives.wordpress.com/2012/05/27/microsoft-word-up-hoe/

Spot Painting

Damien Hirst does “Spot Paintings”
 This is one

If you want one of Hirst’s spot paintings, it could cost you anywhere up to 3.48 million pounds.

Alternatively, you could just go to CARD FACTORY and buy this wrapping paper

Sorry Hirst, who’s going to pay that much for a “Spot Painting” when these areavailable? Also, I’m pretty sure I can buy a dead cow’s head at any local butchers.

The Notepad

Dubstep

Free-loading SCUM

It costs £2.30 to ride a London Bus now if you don’t use an Oyster card. So why the fuck does this cheap piece of shit get to do whatever he fucking well wants?

Animals aren’t even allowed on the buses unless they’re guiding a blind person, and even then it’s not certain. This little prick doesn’t seem to be guiding any humans, so he does NOT belong.

But other people don’t care. Look at this woman, completely nonplussed that there’s a fucking free-loader right by her shoulder.

I mean, where the fuck is he going anyway? It’s not like he’s going home, he’s connected to it. He’s not visiting family is he? It was raining, so the likelihood is they’re all dead, under the shoes of business men and women, or decaying beside red elastic bands left by the postman, in puddles of bitter sorrow.

Actually, now that I think about it, that’s quite a horrible life really… This has put things into a different perspective for me. Perhaps he’s just trying to get away from it all. Aren’t we all entitled to that? If this snail has chosen to seek asylum via the 202 bus route from Crystal Palace towards Blackheath Standard, who am I to stop him? I would now even go so far as to say that he should be commemorated fOR his bravery, standing in the face of prejudice and working damned hard for his right to freedom.

I have now completely changed my mind on this poor, young, brave soul. If only more snails were like him. God bless him. I hope that when he gets to wherever it is he’s going to, he’ll be able to send for his family, before the cold boot of the postman obliterates them.

Actually I got off at the last stop, Blackheath, and the snail was still there. It had barely moved. As it was the last stop, the driver most likely would have seen him on his routine clean of the bus and would have probably just killed him with his fist.

Communism

Psychic Today

I’ve given up on mainstream television. I’ve seen this coming for a while now, but what finally did it for me was a line in the channel five program “Cowboy Builders” which aired sometime in the day on 16/04/12 (The whole day was a haze of shit TV and I can’t pinpoint the exact hour)

They were helping out a woman who’s name was Adele. No not the singer Adele! She was a normal person, who doesn’t do much singing (well not as much as the singer Adele anyway, and remember this isn’t the same Adele. They are different Adele’s, with different lives and problems)

Anyway, Melinda Messenger was consoling Adele (Not the singer Adele remember, a normal, common Adele who isn’t rich or famous) Then Melinda’s narration came in. And what it said still shakes me to the very centre of my being.

Melinda: “We’ll sort Adele out, and hopefully she won’t be chasing payments.”

"Thanks, I'll be here all week"

Do you get it? Chasing payments. Sound a bit like, chasing PAVEMENTS doesn’t it? DOESN’T IT?! Yes, it does.

That was it. That single line made something in my brain burn out and now I can no longer enjoy Channel 5 or anything before it ever again. I know that sounds mad, but if I risk watching BBC1, BBC2, ITV1 or Channel 4 ever again, I might accidentally click too far and land myself back onto Channel 5, and I really can’t allow that to happen.

Now that I think about it, the channels just after Channel 5 on the sky package are just as dangerous. I shouldn’t get anywhere near it really. If I want to watch television now, I will only try channels that are at least past the 500 mark. How about… 886?

JACKPOT!

Below is a video about my experience with watching Psychic Today for multiple hours. I feel that it has improved my view of television on the whole and therefore can only be regarded as a positive thing.