Every Time

Every time a bus driver stops needlessly to chat to another bus driver, a newborn baby dies...

...that may or may not be true, I can't honestly say that I know it for sure. What I do know though, is that when a bus driver stops needlessly to chat to another bus driver, I wish I was dead. Or at least in a coma or something. 

Because London buses as so interminably slow, I can often pass some of the time by taking photos of things that are around me. Sometimes I like to take photos out of the window....

...like this photo of a woman

You can probably deduce from her general blurriness that her body was moving in the opposite direction to my bus. Although, to be honest I can't remember if the bus was moving when I took this, so maybe she's a reptilian shape shifter.

 

In this photo, one man bends over as another man watches over him longingly. Of course, this could easily be taken out of context without any other knowledge of the situation. Although, the camera never lies does it?

I was going to think of more things to say about all the other photos I took today, but instead I'll just post them all underneath and you can think up your own amusing observations. You've seen Michael McIntyre, you should be able to figure it out by now:

And, pencils down. Please send your amusing captions to jennyyellowhat@gmail.com

2 Sets of Doors

As I sit on the packed underground train at London Bridge Station, I can't help but be amazed by the wall of glass that stands between the people on the platform at the emerging trains

Surely, a work of innovation. This now means that people won't fall onto the tracks or be pushed in front of trains. 2 sets of doors can only mean more safety can't it?

So why can't I stop imagining the scenario where I am late for the train, I run to get on it but the doors are just closing. Not only that, but the train is packed solid with suited Canary Wharf cocks and as I try to squeeze on they shove me out. As they do this, the glass protector doors shut behind me and the train doors shut in front of me. Now I am stuck between the wall of the glass and the wall of the train. As the train begins to pull away from the station, I am squashed beyond all help and am rolled around between the 2 walls until my head is crushed. As the train finally pulls away, I fall onto the tracks where I am not only electocuted, but rats begin to eat my face.

I suppose the best way to avoid this happening to me would be to just wait for the next tube instead of trying to just squash in like an idiot...

...but who's got 3 minutes to spare?