Smile Harvester

A smiley face with the insignia "THANK YOU XX" scrawled beneath. Not just a receipt any more. Now, it's an expression. I see it, and I feel an urge to tip. Do you tip in a Harvester? Of course you fucking do. But then I wonder; why is the smiley face's chin so big? Who draws eyes up so close to the top of the head? Is that supposed to be me? If this a fucking insult? No, she's a waitress not an artist. No harm was meant by it. It doesn't even have any hair. I've got hair. £12.58. Yeah, ok. That's quite low for 2 meals isn't it? And she WAS friendly. AND you get free salad. Although, they did bring out the meal too fast for me to properly enjoy the salad bar. I should have complained shouldn't I? "Excuse me, the food came too quickly. What kind of pony show are you running here? Send it back and let me eat this cold pasta" Let me assess this situation. I don't have much money at the moment, that's why we're in a Harvester in the first place. Is a £1 tip enough? Does that make me look ungrateful? She DID draw me a weird smiley face, that isn't supposed to be me but might be me. Okay, I value the picture at about 50p so I'll add that onto the tip. That seems fair I think.

God, maybe that's a picture of HER. Is that what she thinks of herself? The poor girl. Okay, here's another 50p. That's a  £2 tip now. I can't go any higher, I really can't.

I really cant.

Fortunes

Chinese food is pretty horrible really. Well, not "Chinese Food" as having never been to China I have no idea what that tastes like. What I mean by "Chinese Food" is greasy, wobbly, wet things in a clear plastic container, bought from a very dimly lit, tile walled, fruit machine inhabiting establishment. I do find that sort of food horrible, but in a sort of strangely addictive, sort of nice, horrible way. Anyway, the best part about eating it is getting one of these

It's called a Fortune Cookie, although it's neither a cookie, nor is it capable of telling your fortune in any conceivable way. They do taste nice though, unless a piece gets stuck in your throat and it scratches your windpipe. This is me holding the fortune cookie I got this evening

As you can no doubt see, I've gone and taken a picture of it BEFORE I knew what the message was inside. Am I psychic? Did I know in advance that it's message would be humorous enough to warrant a blog entry on the subject? Well, no. If I was psychic I wouldn't need a fortune cookie in the first place would I? The truth is, I took a picture of it because I pre-empted the possibility of the fortune cookie having a half humorous message inside because I knew if I opened it and then the message was funny enough for a blog, I would have wasted an opportunity to have a photo of it proving it, or something.

Anyway, I did eventually crack it open, see:

Now, I know by now the suspense is probably killing you so here's what it said

I'm not really sure what this means. Did the person who came up with this one think (like me) that planning in advance for the inevitable was the best route to go down? They might have predicted that the person buying the take-away would have been so excited about their fortune cookie that they would open it before they got home, maybe even while driving a car. Imagine then that they opened it to reveal they weren't going the wrong way home but were instead going in the right direction, thank God.

However it's probably most likely that they just keep the fortunes vague to avoid accountability for their supposed prophesies.

Maybe.