Build-A-Burger

First of all, we all know who was really behind the 9/11 attacks

Back Illuminati harridan !

But that's old news now. The illuminati has been spreading it's evil message in more subtle places. They're targeting your kids. Don't believe me? Brace yourself for this...

Build-A-Burger? Sounds very much like Bild-a-Berg. That's Bilderberg. The Bilderberg Group. It's clear that J.Sainsbury has been invited to many a Bilderberg meeting, how else do you think he manages to get his prices so Satanically low? 

Four pairs for £3? I'm pretty sure that white and orange are illuminati colours. 

Screaming Toilet

I did another mini podcast, which you can download in a variety of different places. Itunes would probably be the best if you actually want to subscribe. You don't need me to tell you that though do you, you're not an idiot. I don't know the url. Just search "piginawig" all one word on the itunes podcast store thing. 

Then there's Pod-o-matic. Dumb name, good site. 

http://piginawig.podomatic.com/entry/2012-02-18T12_39_30-08_00

If you don't like podomatic, you're probably about 13, so here's "audioboo" 

http://audioboo.fm/piginawig

Again, a really crap name but a fine site. And then finally there's "soundcloud" 

http://soundcloud.com/jenives

 I think that's enough shameless self promotion for tonight. Just click one of those links above, don't clock them all or you'll end up listening to the same thing about 4 times. Better yet, don't listen at all. Just leave now. 

Acetone Free

Hello again...

I bought this bottle of acetone free nail polish remover from Superdrug. They make it themselves, possibly in a big bath tub out the back. It works pretty well

I do however feel like they are over selling the product. I've used it several times now and don't feel at all happier. I would say my general happiness level is at about 41% at the moment, which although granted is above average for me, it remains at the same level both before and after using the acetone free nail polish remover. 


Everyone has a twitter nowadays. Even whole shops. So I sent them a tweet

I'll let you know if they reply. Maybe they'll give me something for free. 


Bye then

Trash

Sometimes, concentration is a difficult game of wits. This girl knows that if she places a Ferrero Rocher in front of her during a lecture, and tells herself "If you get through this you can have the Ferrero Rocher" she is statistically 13% more likely to learn something.

Unless she succumbs to temptation that is. Eating it before the lecture is over has statistically shown that she would be 4.7% more likely to be splashed by a puddle from 2 overweight builders driving a van at 17:48pm on her way home.


Here's an interesting fact: This blog was made up of pictures that were taken in January of 2011. I didn't leave the house today, so didn't take any new photos. These have been sitting on my old computer for over a year now. FUN FACT: That month was possibly the worst month of my life. 

Originally, I cropped this part of the photo and now I can't remember why. I was probably going to say something about the Costa cup. Don't worry, it was probably just something stupid. It's not important. 

At one point in time, I thought it would be a good idea to take a photo of this. The 1st of March 2011 in fact. I only took a photo of of it because I thought "EVEN IF IT IS BAD NEWS" was interesting. I had the idea to phone them up and give them some unrelated bad news. I never did 1) because I didn't have time and 2) because it's fucking stupid. 

I also took a photo of this toilet I saw in a strange Russian Restaurant in London. I have no opinion on it whatsoever.


These photos are trash. And now you've seen them. 

2 Years of Loose Women

If you're thinking of approaching a doctor and telling them that you have never felt comfortable with your biological gender, be warned. When I went, I was told that if I ever planned on becoming a real woman, I would have to watch Loose Women every single time it aired for at least 2 years (with hard proof) 

ONE OF US, ONE OF US.

If you're looking to go the other way, I've heard you'll become quite familiar with this man

After you've completed your 2 years of constant, undisturbed Loose Women viewing, you'll be legally entitled to a years supply of chocolate (paid for through the NHS) Women love chocolate. Currently, I'm on "Cadbury's Fruit & Nut" however I'm told that it's only a precautionary trial. If deemed safe, I will be upgraded to "Galaxy" which is a lot stronger apparently. 

In time you'll be integrated into society and be able to make friends and have a happy life where everyone is nice and accepting. Then you can apply for a job as a secretary/internet webcam model/transsexual porn star and earn money so you can buy your own chocolate. 

B&Q

I have started making podcasts. Short podcasts that will be released at no particular time, but will be frequent. Here is the first one: 

If you have any interest at all in keeping up to date with them, you can either follow it on audioboo, or subscribe to it on itunes:

http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pig-in-a-wig/id476942489?ign-mpt=uo%3D4

Alternatively, you can get it here too:

http://piginawig.podomatic.com/entry/2012-02-10T13_47_54-08_00

Bye then.

Every Time

Every time a bus driver stops needlessly to chat to another bus driver, a newborn baby dies...

...that may or may not be true, I can't honestly say that I know it for sure. What I do know though, is that when a bus driver stops needlessly to chat to another bus driver, I wish I was dead. Or at least in a coma or something. 

Because London buses as so interminably slow, I can often pass some of the time by taking photos of things that are around me. Sometimes I like to take photos out of the window....

...like this photo of a woman

You can probably deduce from her general blurriness that her body was moving in the opposite direction to my bus. Although, to be honest I can't remember if the bus was moving when I took this, so maybe she's a reptilian shape shifter.

 

In this photo, one man bends over as another man watches over him longingly. Of course, this could easily be taken out of context without any other knowledge of the situation. Although, the camera never lies does it?

I was going to think of more things to say about all the other photos I took today, but instead I'll just post them all underneath and you can think up your own amusing observations. You've seen Michael McIntyre, you should be able to figure it out by now:

And, pencils down. Please send your amusing captions to jennyyellowhat@gmail.com