Things Happen to Everybody

Things happen to everybody. That's a pretty universally accepted premise isn't it?

Rhetorical questions like that are good because they make the reader feel like their opinion matters, but really you're just reading some words on a screen aren't you? You can't actually reply can you? You're an idiot aren't you? Oh, what's that? You can reply via the comment box below? Well, I feel like an idiot now. You turned the tables on me, and you managed to do it by doing nothing but read along these sentences that I wrote in a left to right fashion, although knowing you, you probably weren't reading this properly anyway. You've probably got a hi-larious video open at the same time of a cat masturbating.

But it's true isn't it? Things do happen to everybody. Things certainly happen to me, but could I be presumptuous enough to think that you have any interest in them at all? Yes I could is the answer. You're dying to know, I can tell. So, for your reading pleasure here is a completely true story about something that happened to me yesterday. It will be written with no humour intended, and will act only as something for you to absorb and subsequently use to think you know me on a more personal level, even though you don't even know me on a not personal level? Impersonal?

Impersonal

1. Lacking personality; not being a person: an impersonal force.

2. a. Showing no emotion or personality: an aloof, impersonal manner

Sounds about right.

DVD's From The Library – A short story for your amusement

The best thing about getting a DVD out from the Library is that it's cheaper than renting it from Blockbusters. The worst thing about getting a DVD out from the library is that when I take it up to the desk, I am so sure that the librarian thinks I'm an uneducated fuck-wit that I also place a book that I don't even want underneath it just to needlessly press the fact that I can indeed read, and that I do so frequently as well as enjoying the art form that is the moving picture. If you're going to look down on me, don't stock DVDs you deranged psychopath. But maybe she doesn't think that at all. Maybe she just thinks I'm a cheapskate, which I can deal with, because I am.

The Library I get my DVDs from has a preposterously unrealistic expectation that the films you rent should be returned the next day, before 12 in the afternoon. There is then a £1 charge for every hour they are late. I don't understand this. The 2 films I rented seemed relatively unloved , 1 of which hadn't been rented before me since 2 years ago. As for the other one, the Library had 8 copies of it. What do they need them back so soon for? My Library is overly possessive.

I arrive to return my DVDs 2 hours late. I am informed that I will have to pay a fine of £4. I go over to the machine to get some money out so I can pay the fine, as I do so I am approached by 2 Muslim girls holding a bucket. They ask me if I want to buy a doughnut for charity. I tell them I don't really like doughnuts, but I will give to their charity. I ask them what the charity is. They don't tell me it's name, but they inform me it is to help orphans in Islamic countries. It sounds admirable enough so I give them 50p and they leave. As I pay my Library fine, I can't stop thinking that I would have preferred to give £4 to the charity instead of to this Library. I leave feeling deflated and angry with myself. Self loathing is my mood for at least an hour afterwards. I vow never to rent a DVD from that Library again, even though I know that I will. I get home and have some dinner (I can't remember what it was) Then I watch some television and go to bed. Then, the next day I do a few similar things and a few other things that are different. Days vary.

The End.