Sometimes, when I am in B&Q I like to pretend that I am an unappreciated housewife. I can stare longingly for hours out of fake, fitted kitchen windows...
...before eventually succumbing to the bitter and inescapable comfort of wine and antidepressants.
Here is a photo of me, with my life-partner Alan
We just love coming to B&Q on the weekends. Although, whenever important decisions need to be made about which style of light fixtures we want, he runs off into the garden section
Alan seems like a cunt...dump 'im
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